Hmmm… I wonder who could have possibly done this? (Note to Miss Jacqui: Generally not the best move to sign the scene of the crime…)

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Jacqui: Mom, I needta tell you somefing… Da kitchens and bafrooms are da germiest places in da house. You need da cleenin’ power, Mom.

Me: I do?

Jacqui: Yes, to get rid of da germies.

Me: It gets rid of germs?

Jacqui: Oh, yes! An’ da scoap scrum an nascee snackterias in da baff tub too.

Me: Soap scum and nasty bacteria? Well we certainly don’t want any of those.

Jacqui: Well… I hate ta tell you dis, but I fink I found some ub dem in da bafroom.

Me: You did?

Jacqui: *Sigh* Yes! Dat’s why I was tellin’ you dat you need da cleanin’ power stuff.

Me: Oh, I see. What is the cleaning power stuff?

Jacqui: Oh, I dunno. Some lady on TV poured some yellow stuff in a big green bucket wen Daddy was watchin’ TV. It’s posed to be da cleanin’ power dat chases all dat yucky germie stuff away. It looked yuckier dan da scroap scrummies and snackterias, if ya ask me.

Cleaning tips from a five-year-old… fabulous. Excuse me while I locate the disinfectant…

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Our morning started out with an unexpected guest…

And since no one can quite narrate such a scene as well as Jacqui… a video clip for your enjoyment…

These are literally the very first moments of our morning. I was yanked awake by a little girl shouting, “Mommmmmm!! Comere quickly!! Dair’s dis most ‘mazing super-ize in da backyard dat I’ve never seen before!” And then she shoved the camera in my hand while tugging me upright, “Here! You’ll probly need dis!”

As you can tell in the clip, Jacqui is a morning person. Me? Not so much. I was still waking up and not yet ready to meet her inevitable onslaught of chatter with the enthusiasm it deserved. And to be fair, possums are not exactly on my ‘Top Ten’ list of things to be excited about in the morning. Or even on my list of things to be excited about ever. Jacqui now claims she is no longer interested in having a hamster for a pet (as she had previously informed us yesterday). She states that “a possum would make a very more clebber pet, don’t you think?” Hmmmm… clever? Perhaps. Conceivable? No.

Note: You will not be able to see the video if you are viewing this post through a reader. It might take a few moments for the video to load and buffer after pressing the play button, so be patient.

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Look! Dair’s Bagheera! He’s a kinda wild kitty, huh?

Look! Look at dat basket! Know what’s innit? A baby! Idn’t dat silly?

Lissen what dat baby says… why’s he say “Ahhhhh?” Does he fink Bagheera’s a dentist?

What kinda kitty is Bagheera?

Is dat da kinda kitty dat sleeps all day and wakes up all night?

Dat means he’s nocky-turdle, huh? (nocturnal)

Why’d he bump dat baby basket and make da baby cry? He’s not posed to do dat, huh?

Dat’s da mommy wolf, huh?

Look! Look at doze little baby wolfs waggin’ dair tails? Aren’t dey so very precious?

Look! Look, Mom! Da wolfs are all growed up wif Mowgli now!

Dat sure was fast, huh?

Dey’re sclurpin’ Mowgli wif slobbery kisses! Idn’t dat silly?

Boy, dey’re reely not shy, aren’t dey?

Dis is too loud now. TOO LOUD!! Let’s turn it down! Dat’s bedder.

Wat’s a ‘man billage’ (village)

Do only mans lib dair, or do girls lib dair too?

Why is Mowgli wearin’ a orange diaper? He’s not a baby!

Wow, dey’re reely high up in dat tree, aren’t dey?

Look! Dair’s Kaa! He’s a slipperdy snake. Look at his loopidy eyes!

Look at my eyes… are dey loopidy too wen I do dis?

Kaa is noddy, right?

Why’s he squishin’ Mowgli?

Look! Look wat he’s doin’ wif his eyes!

Ha, ha, ha, ha! Look wat he’s goin’ ta do… Keep your eye on ‘im! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Wadn’t dat funny wif da knot in his tail? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Why you not laughin’?

Jungle’s are dangerous, huh?

A jungle ‘venture is fraught wif danger! Dat’s wat Rabbit says on da Heffalump Movie.

Wat’s fraught mean?

Now. Ask me again why it is that we never go to the movies?

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