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This blog is really about our kids, Jacqui and Kyle:

Jacqui is a wonderfully energetic and opinionated five-year-old. She was born with a rare birth defect known as a lymphatic malformation (LM) and has been through a lot in her young life. She had a trach until she was a year old, had surgery in New York to remove her LM with world renowned surgeon, Dr. Milton Waner (at age three), and still has a G-tube. She is a bright sunny soul in spite of everything.

Kyle is a thoughtful, and slightly reserved 2-year-old with a magical giggle and a wise-looking smile. He is clever and charming and a bundle of pure joy.

Our goal as parents: To treasure every moment and to raise our children to be extraordinary individuals.

Welcome to an inside view of our world!



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House Rules…

March 6, 2008

HR

Image Courtesy Istock Photo

Why is it that “Not Feeling Well” in the minds of children constitutes carte blanche to abandon all pretenses of civilized behavior?? I Protest!! There will be order!!!

HOUSE RULES:

  • No biting
  • No kicking
  • No hitting
  • No scratching
  • No yelling
  • No screaming
  • No running with pointy objects or in high-heeled Cinderella shoes
  • No name calling
  • No singing of Backyardigans, Wonder Pets or Wiggles songs
  • No playing in the toilet
  • Bathroom doors are to stay closed at all times except when exiting or entering
  • Ditto for closet doors, office doors, and the door to the master bedroom
  • Bedroom doors belonging to children’s rooms must stay open at all times
  • Only a sane amount of toilet paper is permitted in one sitting
  • Band-Aids may only be accessed for the purpose of using them in the manner stated clearly on the box
  • The use of color crayons is restricted to the dining room table during supervised coloring sessions and permitted only on provided writing materials
  • Ditto for Play-Doh
  • The use of Sharpie markers is strictly prohibited
  • Absolutely no toddler access to toothpaste or any conceivable form of tape, paint, glue or glitter at any time without direct maternal supervision
  • Under no circumstances may paternal supervision be construed as equivalent to maternal supervision
  • Banana slices may not be used either as finger puppets or as shampoo
  • No feeding the kitty baby food
  • No feeding the baby kitty food
  • No playing with the ice dispenser
  • No exceeding the recommended daily allotment of Kleenex or baby wipes without filing of the proper consent forms
  • No climbing the refrigerator or any other scalable surfaces on the premises
  • No eating of yogurt, ice cream, jello, pudding, peanut butter, or jam without direct adult supervision
  • No stuffing of kitties or small children into dwelling spaces intended to only be inhabited by Fisher Price Little People
  • Absolutely no licking of the mirrors, windows or patio doors or any other hard surface intended to be clean and shiny
  • Toothbrushes are to be used for cleaning only the teeth to which they have been assigned to and nothing else
  • No chasing the kitty
  • No bopping the baby
  • No jumping on anything or anyone except Dad
  • Absolutely no participation is permitted in any activity directly or indirectly resulting in clean-up requiring in excess of three Mr. Clean Magic Sponges
  • Only one pair of underwear is to be worn at any one time
  • No yanking of the tot-locked cabinets open by sheer brute force
  • No hiding of the tot-lock key magnets
  • Absolutely no hiding of anything else either
  • Individuals leaving tubes of Desitin or anything with chemical properties similar to those of Desitin within toddler reach will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law
  • It is not permissible to access to any of Mommy’s makeup or anything in her purse at any time
  • No cramming of anything real or imaginary into the couch cushions or into the sound hole of Mommy’s harp. Ever.
  • No stocking feet outside
  • No shoes inside
  • No shredding of any form of paper unless you have an OfficeMax manual to prove you are a bona fide paper shredder
  • Visitors must enter at their own risk and may be required to sign the following disclaimer:

DISCLAIMER OF LIABILITY

Neither the Family In Residence nor any of its agents or consultants shall be liable for any improper or incorrect use of the information described and/or contained herein and assumes no responsibility for anyone’s use of the information. In no event shall The Family In Residence or its agents or consultants be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, special, exemplary, consequential, psychological or emotional damages as a result of your visit. Refunds will not be provided due to dissatisfaction with the facilities either upon or after arrival. If the house staff are unable to provide the expected level of service for any reason, including but not limited to service outages, toddler tantrums, acts of war, God, or negligence of any form, neither The Family In Residence nor any of its agents or consultants may be held liable for any costs or damages, real or imaginary.


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Gluten-Free Gems… GFCF Sweet Potato Pancakes

November 16, 2007

PC

We have a bit of a vegetable dilemma at our house. Jacqui has only been off of her tube feeding since June of this year. Now that she doesn’t have the rounded nutritional content of her tube feeding formula to fall back on, it has been tricky to see that she gets all the nutrients she needs in her diet when all she really wants to eat are pepperoni slices, Tofutti soy cheese slices and slices of gluten-free bread slathered in margarine. For her fruit servings I can occasionally get her to eat banana slices (although she prefers to turn them into finger puppets) and she will eat a variety of Fruitabu Organic Fruit Flats or Twirls (the lowest prices we have seen is at Wal*Mart for a six pack box of the twirls) and she also drinks juice well. However, vegetables have been a real problem. That is, unless I want to allow her to grow up thinking it is reasonable to rely on dill pickle spears, french fries and ketchup to round out this area of her diet.

My solution to this problem will involve a plug for a book, but bear with me here because I also have a little bit of a rant. I promise I’ll get to the recipe in a minute. I’m giving this cookbook the thumbs up even though there has been some controversial press about it lately - I’ll explain why in a second. The book is a cookbook called Deceptively Delicious, by Jerry Seinfeld’s Wife, Jessica Seinfeld (or whoever really does her cooking), and contains a wide selection of really nice recipes that incorporate vegetable (and some fruit) purees into the ingredients to boost nutritional content.

CB

It should be noted for my readers that this is NOT a gluten-free cookbook, but most of the recipes are easily adaptable and very healthy ones. Best of all, every single one of them that I have tried out in this book has had a nice flavor and texture - even after GFCF adaptations. The thing I really like about this cookbook is that it is a great reference for learning about what flavors and quantities of ingredients you can add to recipes without compromising the flavor and texture of a recipe to the point were it is no longer edible. I use it more like a reference/starting point for my recipes than an actual cookbook it works perfectly for this purpose.

The controversy over the book is two-fold. The first controversy I honestly have very little interest in because I think it’s silly. Author of The Sneaky Chef, Missy Chase Lapine, claims Mrs. Seinfeld stole her Idea. Whatever. Like either of them were the first mother on the planet to try and slip vegetables into toddler diets. Bottom line is that the Seinfeld book has recipes that just work better for my family - and that is really the end of it for me. Variety and choices are a good thing and what works for one family may not work as well for another. There is plenty of room on the bookshelf for both books, in my opinion.

The second part of the controversy comes from a group of parents as well as some medical and nutritional experts who are stating that it is deceitful to sneak vegetables into your kids food and that it doesn’t teach them the skills necessary for making wise dietary choices as adults. I kind of see where they are coming from on this issue, but I don’t agree with completely shooting the book down or with some of the blanket statements that have been made. This is a good cookbook containing quality recipes, and useful tips. With a little creative parenting it suddenly transforms into a truly phenomenal book.

Here’s how I use it: Every recipe I have Jacqui help me prepare. I measure the ingredients, she adds and mixes them and I cook them. I make sure I have both the puree and the plain vegetable option prepared and ready to go (stored in the freezer) of whatever vegetable I am working with. Every recipe I give her the option: Do you want to mix your sweet potatoes in your pancakes this morning or do you want to eat them as baked sweet potato fries? Do you want your butternut squash mixed into your (GFCF) macaroni, or do you want to eat it fluffy like mashed potatoes? Do you want to mix your carrots into meatball soup today or would you like to have baby carrots with (GFCF) ranch dip instead? This works really well for us. Jacqui is learning that she needs to make choices for her nutrition that include vegetables at every meal and she is having fun doing it. I also have a rewards system that I use in developing her eating skills that I will go into on a future post, but she gets rewarded and praised for the times that she chooses to try the vegetables plain. It takes the pressure off, allowing her the freedom to learn to make good choices on her own.

The other problem I have with the whole “morality argument” over sneaking vegetables into children’s food is that it completely ignores the parents who are dealing with an entirely different set of issues. Take autism for instance. It’s really inappropriate to be out there saying that every parent who sneaks vegetables into their children’s food is either a moral degenerate, irresponsible or both - it’s just not true. It’s an insensitive and uneducated statement to make. So stop it. I’m not the parent of an autistic child, but I know how it stings to be on the wrong end of one of these sweeping statements. With an autistic child, adding nutrients and vegetables into preferred foods can really come down to a matter of medical necessity. These parents are being thoughtful, responsible, resourceful and compassionate. Dial it down a few notches people - and spend a few minutes thinking about the fact that those itty bitty boxes you are always so busy trying to cram every member of society into aren’t really a comfortable fit for anyone and extremely boring to boot. OK. I feel better and will now step away from the soap box… On to the recipe… enjoy!

GFCF Sweet Potato Pancakes

1/8 Cup Almond Meal
1/3 Cup Tapioca Flour
1/3 Cup Cornstarch
3 TBSP Bean Flour
2 TBSP Sorghum Flour
1/2 Tsp Xanthan Gum
(Note: You may substitute 1 Cup Pamela’s Ultimate Baking and Pancake Mix for the previous six ingredients if you don’t need the recipe to be Casein-Free. Pamela’s Ultimate Baking Mix contains Buttermilk.)
1/2 Cup Sweet Potato Puree
1 TBSP Cold Pressed Flaxseed Oil*
1 Large Egg
3 TSP Baking Powder*
3/4 Cup Rice Milk*
1 TBSP
Brown Rice Protein Powder (Optional -Click on link and type ‘MLO’ into the search box to find the protien powder)*
1 TBSP Canola or Vegetable Oil for Griddle Nonstick Butter Flavor Cooking Spray

The night before, prepare sweet potato puree. Pierce skin of one medium sweet potato with fork, wrap in foil and bake at 400 degrees for one hour. Peel off skin, break into chunks and place in food processor or blender. Blend until smooth, thin as needed with rice milk or water adding one tablespoon at a time until desired consistency is met. Measure out 1/2 cup of the puree and store in refrigerator for use in the morning. Store the rest of the puree in 1/2 cup increments inside labeled quart freezer bags in the freezer for future use. One medium sweet potato makes about two 1/2 cup servings of puree.

To prepare pancakes: In a large bowl, mix together puree, egg, and flax seed oil. Add baking powder, baking mix, and brown rice powder if desired. Slowly add rice milk in 1/4 cup increments to start, adding just enough rice milk for the batter to pour without being too thin. It should be about the consistency of cake batter.

Coat griddle or large nonstick skillet with cooking spray and place on the middle of the medium-high setting on your largest burner so the pan will heat evenly. Add the Canola oil when the griddle is hot. Spoon the batter onto the griddle using 1/4 cup of batter for each pancake.

Cook until bubbles form on the top of the pancake and the batter is set (2-3 minutes) then flip with a spatula and cook them until golden brown on the other side (2-3 minutes). Serve hot with favorite pancake syrup or topping.

This recipie makes 6 four inch pancakes. Extras may be stored in individual quart freezer bags for future use. To reheat, pre-heat oven to 375 degrees, place pancake on cookie sheet and bake for 10 minutes or until heated through. You can also microwave them, but the texture is much nicer when reheated in the oven.

*Canola oil or vegetable oil may be substitued for flaxseed oil. I prefer to use flaxseed oil wherever I can because it is an exellent source of omega-3 fats and has a pleasant nutty flavor
*I add the extra baking powder even though there is baking powder already in the mix because it makes a fluffier pancake
*Water may be substituted for rice milk if desired.
*The brown rice protien powder is completely optional. I add a TBSP of this to most of my baked goods because my child is not yet eating many protein rich foods very well. One TBSP adds 15 grams of protien to a recipe. Unless it is a very small volume recipe, 1 TBSP usually doesn’t compromise the flavor.

Note: This recipe makes a rather soft and somewhat fragile pancake, which is the perfect texture for my child who has some sensory challenges with eating. If you want a firmer pancake, try adding 1/3 cup of the puree instead of 1/2 cup and keeping the rice milk to a minimum.

Tip* If you start using a lot of pureees in your cooking, set aside a time to do larger batches all at once to improve time efficiency and consider purchasing a food processor if you do not already have one.



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I Hereby Quit-eth…

October 13, 2007

To The Father Of The Children Living At This Address:

This is to inform you that I hereby tender my resignation from my position as Household CEO and all other positions assigned to this title by default. My last day will be yesterday. I will be relocating to an undisclosed location in Grand Cayman as soon as I can assemble my luggage.

My reasons for this change in employment are many; the primary reason being that I find your current enterprise to be woefully understaffed. Perhaps you are not aware of the numerous current vacancies within this organization that I have been covering under my title as Household CEO. For your reference, here is a comprehensive listing of the current open positions within your household:

Household CEO
Personal Chef
Nutritionist
Waitress
Bus Boy/Dishwasher
Laundress
Gardener/Grounds-keeper
Social Secretary
Upstairs Maid
Downstairs Maid
Personal Shopper
Valet
Nanny and/or Herdsman
Resident Nurse/EMT
Chauffeur/Ambulance Driver
Accountant
Computer Database Manager
File Clerk
Errand/Delivery Clerk
Day Care Instructor
Pet Attendant/Veterinary Technician
Sanitation Specialist
Medical Claims Analyst
Staff Psychologist

In addition, your particular household would realize a considerable increase in efficiency if the following positions were added:

Carpet Care Specialist
Personal Meal-Time Attendant
Window Washer
Recreational Equipment Manager
Plumber
General Contractor (with an emphasis in dry-wall repair… initially a crew might be required until the back-log is sufficiently in hand)

It would also be worth your consideration to hire someone for the specific task of confiscating from your children all markers, shred-able paper products, and any item that can be transformed into crumbs and/or smudgy residues. This would enable you to avoid over-time pay issues within the new Carpet Care Specialist position and would lighten the Bus Boy’s workload considerably. Posting a guard at the entrance of each restroom might ultimately prove to be more efficient and economical than hiring a Plumber. Case in point, I refer you to this incident involving your eldest and a water-logged rubber duckie. May I remind you that this was not an isolated event. There have been many similar occurrences.

According to Salary.com, my pay scale should be between $115,400 and $165,219. I have received no salary since June of 2002 when I agreed to leave my former career and come to work for you full-time. My repetitive vacation requests have been unheeded as well. I have not had a day off since the day your first child arrived. You will of course claim that this isn’t the case, however I will remind you that you request that I be available by cell phone at all times - day or night. During my last ‘evening off ‘ I was requested to complete tasks left incomplete due to the open Errand/Delivery Clerk and Personal Shopper positions and was also expected to coordinate an ER admission for your youngest child due to the current Nanny, Resident Nurse, and Chauffeur vacancies.

I have deeply appreciated the opportunities and experiences that have been provided to me during my 12 years of service as your Household CEO and if there is anything I can do to be of assistance during the transition, please figure out how to do it yourself. I will be far too busy NOT reading Angelina Ballerina for the 3,287,439th time, NOT scrubbing black sharpie marker off of dining room chair legs, NOT sweeping up crumbs from the dining room table, floor, kitchen counter, sink, and kitchen floor, NOT wiping hand, face and tongue prints (yes, tongue prints!) off of the windows, mirrors, table tops, oven and dishwasher doors, NOT fishing random objects (including fully dressed 18-month-olds) out of overflowing toilets, NOT dislodging the resident feline from Fisher Price domiciles, NOT picking up itty-bitty, teeny- tiny pieces of shredded paper and plastic toy parts, NOT being the sole voice of sanity pleading for the addressing of one home-improvement project at a time and seeing each one through to completion, and NOT spending 14 hours doing THIS.

I wish you the best of luck,

Your Former Household CEO


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Somebody Just Shoot Me…

Photographer Unknown

Well… never say that things couldn’t possibly be worse. They can. I just got back from the ER after spending the last 3 hours there and watching them stitch up my 18-month-old. Kyle was sitting in Ken’s lap on the couch having his bedtime bottle this evening while I was out grocery shopping. First time I’ve had a moment all to myself in days (DAYS, I tell you!!)

For reasons unknown, Kyle suddenly decided to launch himself face-first out of Ken’s lap. Ken tried to catch him but wasn’t quite quick enough. Kyle still had the bottle in his mouth and when he fell, he bit clear through the bottle nipple. And his lower lip. All the way through it. The end result looked like a small button-hole punched about 1/2 an inch below his lower lip on the outside of his lip. The inside of his lower lip pretty much looked like hamburger.

Of course this happens during the one time I have left the house for 45 minutes in the past week. I’m at the store and my cell rings. I answer and hear assorted shrieking, screaming and crying in the background while Ken helpfully explains that Kyle has “chomped his lip off” and that there is “blood everywhere” and then asks me, “What do I do?” Ummm… let me think… wait… I know this one… really… it’s coming to me… Oh, yeah! GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM!!!!!

Nooooo. That would be too simple. Instead, let’s all wait for Mom to get home…

So I get home as fast as I can and of course they are still there. No one’s put warm clothes on the kid, found the diaper bag, nothing. All just sitting and waiting for me. I confirm what I already know… HE NEEDS TO GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM!! So we grab the diaper bag and the kid and off we go. Luckily, my mom was visiting, so she was able to stay home with Jacqui. (Jacqui is coming around by the way. She will likely be full speed by tomorrow morning. Only makes sense for Kyle to take up the slack with an ER visit, ya know?)

So, three hours, three stitches, and two migraines later, we are back home. Kyle fell asleep two minutes into the car ride home. Ken just headed up to bed. Me? I’m typing. Why? Well, who knows. Cheaper than therapy I guess. Plus this headache is beyond the realm of sleep. I think it was the combination of Kyle’s screaming and the flashing Halloween lights in the ER lobby that did it. Those stupid lights kept flashing at random intervals - no pattern or anything. Just totally un-predictable spastic blinking. All while Kyle focused his considerable toddler efforts on rupturing my ear drums. I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to dig my eyeballs out, rip my ears off, or yank the Halloween lights out of the socket. So I sat there and cultivated a wowzer of a headache instead.

More fun to come in the morning. Yay. A teething 18-Month-Old with lip sutures. This is gonna be a hoot. I can hardly wait for my day to begin. Since nobody seems to be taking my vacation requests seriously around here, I think I’m going to start drafting my resignation letter…

(really… I’m gonna quit… I mean it… anybody listening??)


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