Why, yes — as a matter of fact, she did choose the outfit herself. How did you ever guess?

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The following play session was overheard this morning between my 5-year-old and 22-month-old

Jacqui: Here Kyle… You be da knight.

Kyle: (Lying on the floor five yards away flapping a plastic pterodactyl) Rahhr. Ninoshar.

Jacqui: No, Kyle. No dinosaurs. We’re playin’ Liddle Peeple’s in da cassle. Not dinosaurs.

Kyle: (Hasn’t moved an inch) Oooooo! Ninoshar. Rahhr.

Jacqui: Ok Kyle… Here’s you. Da knight (handing him the miniature plastic knight in shining armor). Now, walk him to da cassle like dis… “la-la-la-la-lahhhh…” Den say, “Oh bootiful prinsesssssss! Lets go to da ball, OK?” Say dat.

Kyle: RRRRRRRAAAHHHHHHRRRRRRRR!!!!

Jacqui: No, no, nooooo! Knights DON’T NEVER make dinosaur noises at prinsesses! Not NEVER!! Too scary. Try ‘gain.

Kyle: NINOSHAR!!! RAAAHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

Jacqui: Ok. You not lissen-en. Gimme dat fing!

Kyle: (Supersonic shrieking)

Me: Jacqui. No taking toys away. Remember the rules? You fight over something, it’s mine for the day.

Jacqui: (Sporting a saccharin grin) Oh, we’re not fightin’, Mom… I’m jess helpin’ him share. Da dinosaur wansta play by hisself right now I fink.

Me: (One eyebrow arched)

Jacqui: Oh, alright. *sigh* Ok, Kyle. Now pay da tenshun… Here’s you, da knight.

Kyle: Nononononooooooo! Ky ninoshar! Rahhhhr!

Jacqui: Fine! You play dinosaurs over dere, an’ I’ll play by myself den!

Kyle: (Finally recognizing the potential in Jacqui’s game, begins flapping the pterodactyl over the castle…) RAHHHHHHHRRRRR!!! RAHHHHHRRRRRR!!!

Jacqui: No! No Dinosaurs! Go way! Shoooo!

Kyle: (With a maniacal giggle swoops the pterodactyl in towards the castle, flinging the little People King and Queen from the turrets…) Peeples Waaaaaaaayyyyyy! (Followed by more maniacal giggling)

Jacqui: Kyyy-Alllll!!! NOT NICE!!

Kyle: Nah-neyes? Ninoshar nah-neyes!!! Ninoshar RAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRR!!!! (Begins stomping giant pterodactyl feet on poor Little People Queen’s plastic noggin)

Jacqui: Kyle! Noddy! You givvin’ da Queen a very big ouchy headache! OWIE!!

Kyle: Oooo. Owie? Uuun-Tiss? Mwhah! (Pterodactyl oh-so-gently pecks the flattened Queen on her plastic noggin with a prehistoric kiss) Aw bedder?

Jacqui: Well… Ok…. (eying the pterodactyl suspiciously) Fank you….

Kyle: OK! All bedder! Ninoshar!! RAHHHHHHHRRRRR!!!! Peeples YUMMMMMMMM!!! RAHHHHHHHRRRR!!!! (Pterodactyl swoops back in and begins devouring the still stunned Little People Queen)

Jacqui: No, Kyle!! Noooooooooo!!! (Grasping at the flapping pterodactyl) No dinosaurs eating my cassle peeples for beck-fass! Dere will be no-buddy for da cassle ball! Stawwwwwwwwwwwwpppp!

Kyle: AHHHHHHH!!! NOOOOOO!!! Mine ninoshar!! MIIIIIIIINNNNNNE!!!

Me: (Pitching a half-folded towel from my laundry pile at the epicenter of the escalating donnybrook) OK, a meteor just obliterated Jurassic Park Camelot. We are now time-traveling to the Mommy Revolution Era wherein all plastic toys are hereby banished to the closet until the dawn of a new day.

Jacqui: (Scowling, arms folded across her chest) Dat’s NOT how you play dis game! No banishing da toys!

Toys were banished to the closet forthwith and MY cranky little ‘Little Peeples’ were banished to the backyard for some fresh air. Now if I could just banish myself somewhere…

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When traveling with small children, it should be noted that this…

Is meant to contain one of these…

And not one of these…

Or two of these…

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Well it’s that time! My 100th post folks! Actually, I think it may be my 101st or 102nd because I wasn’t paying close enough attention to such things. Anyway, I decided I wanted to do a little bit of a spin on the traditional ‘100 things about me‘ post. Over at the lovely Lainey’s Blog In My Eye, she ran a post a while back listing 150 things to do before you turn 150. You’re supposed to bold all of the things that you have already done. I edited the list down to 100 to fit the theme of this post. I also added editorial comments wherever I felt like it (hey, it’s my party… I can make up the rules!) So here you have it folks, my 100th post… 100 things to do before your 100th. Many I’ve already done, and a few I never intend to ; )

01. Swam with wild dolphins - Saw some on our honeymoon in Hawaii, but didn’t get to swim with them…
02. Climbed a mountain - It’s a small one, but I climbed it - a few times, actually.
03. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive - Well… similar concept anyway… I test drove a brand new Mazda Miata with the top down when I was in college…
04. Been inside the Great Pyramid
05. Held a tarantula - Not something I plan on putting back on the ‘to do list’.
06. Rafted the Snake River - I’ve rafted the Deschuttes a few times… does that count?
07. Said “I love you” and meant it - Every Day!
08. Hugged a tree - What can I say… It’s inevitable when you live in the Northwest…
09. Bungee jumped
10. Visited Paris
11. Watched a lightning storm at sea
12. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise - Many times - especially while I was pregnant with Jacqui. A great time for prayer.
13. Seen the Northern Lights
14. Grown and eaten your own vegetables - They’re the best! Now I only have an herb planter on our back deck, but it’s better than nothing.
15. Touched an iceberg
16. Slept under the stars - Many, many, many times. One of my fondest childhood memories and I still love it as an adult. My whole family just had a ‘Star Watching Party’ at my parents farm last summer. I’ll post about it as soon I can get my photos recovered from our computer crash that happened last summer. All my August photos are currently ‘inaccessible’ : (
17. Changed a baby’s diaper - Uh… yeah. Only that would be more like PLURAL… and multiple counts!!
18. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
29. Watched a meteor shower - Every summer with my Mom and Dad while growing up.
20. Gotten drunk on champagne - Nope. Never. On anything. Never even tasted alcohol - Nope, I’m not kidding…
21. Given more than you can afford to charity - Yeah, but it was worth it : )
22. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope - Only thing better than sleeping under the stars is sleeping under the stars with a telescope.
23. Had a food fight - Once at camp (not worth the consequences), once in my Mom’s kitchen (definitely not worth the consequences - camp counselors have nothing on Mom), and once with my brother - well sort of… except it was outside and involved a nest of rotten eggs near the hen house (MOST definitely not worth the consequences… this one should have been thought through a little more carefully… but he started it…).
24. Had a snowball fight - Many, Many times. I went skiing nearly every weekend December through February from junior high through college. Those were the days… *sigh*
25. Held a lamb - There were baby everythings at my parent’s farm while I was growing up - was a virtual Noah’s ark - still is for that matter : )
26. Seen a total eclipse
27. Ridden a roller coaster
28. Hit a home run - A total fluke - no one was more surprised than me!
29. Adopted an accent for an entire day - A high school chum and I once pretended to be German all day while skiing. I have no idea why, but at the time we thought we were hilarious.
30. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment - I really don’t place a lot of stock in happiness. Happiness depends on circumstances. I do however, place a lot of value on joy… we have that in abundance at our house!
31. Visited all 50 states - I didn’t even get out of my own state until I went on a field trip in middle school… I remember being so excited when we passed the sign welcoming us to the other state. My friends thought I was a complete idiot.
32. Had/Have amazing friends - I have some of the truest rarest friends! The ‘lifer’ sort. The kind that will always be there no matter what - what a blessing they are!
33. Watched whales - Ken and I actually went on a whale watching cruise once and got to see the big guys up close - very cool!
34. Backpacked in Europe
35. Taken a road-trip - Lots of em’. Once in college in winter to Montana for a conference. That was one LONG trip. Even now, our family frequently ‘gets’ to take what should technically be a five hour road trip (but somehow becomes a NINE hour road trip with Jacqui and Kyle) to see her ‘local’ ENT. Her original (and truly local) ENT dropped us when we got a second opinion on Jacqui’s lymphatic malformation resection surgery with Dr. Waner in New York. Hence the road trip. It’s worth the trip to take her to see someone possessing both skill and exemplary bedside manner though.
36. Gone rock climbing - Not real rock climbing anyway…
37. Midnight walk on the beach - Often!
38. Gone sky diving
39. Visited Ireland - I have Irish roots and this would be my top pick for overseas travel - I would LOVE to go someday!
40. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them - A few times when I just noticed little old ladies sitting by themselves and looking lonely - and several times while in NYC for Jacqui’s surgery. Many times if you wanted a table then you didn’t have any other option.
41. Milked a cow - We had two Jersey milking cows while growing up, Toffee and Daphne… and no milking machine. I got to milk goats too. I was also the Jersey Princess for my state - I had a crown and everything! (Aren’t you impressed?)
42. Alphabetized your cds - Once upon a time. Now I’m just happy if they don’t have smudgy fingerprints on them and if no one has shoved barrettes or leggos into the CD changer.
43. Pretended to be a superhero - What kid hasn’t? I still get to play superheros with my kiddos as an adult!
44. Gone scuba diving - I snorkeled in Roatan - that’s got to count for something!
45. Kissed in the rain - Inevitable in the NW unless you’re single or refuse to brush your teeth.
46. Played in the mud - Every chance I get!
47. Played in the rain - You betcha!
48. Gone to a drive-in theater - Some of my favorite childhood memories. Although, I remember one occasion when I was about 6. My younger sister and I were bickering during Bambi. My parents warned us to stop. We didn’t listen and my parents left the drive-in in the middle of the movie. I didn’t get to see the ending until it came out on video. And, uh… videos hadn’t been invented yet. You don’t mess with my parents…
49. Visited the Great Wall of China
50. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken - He’s sorta squished it a few times… but never on purpose and is always forgiven : ) I married a keeper!
51. Toured ancient sites - Mayan ruins 2001
52. Taken a martial arts class - Beginning Karate in college - for kicks (Get it? Ha, ha… never mind.)
53. Gotten married - Yep and stayin’ that way. Year lucky thirteen comin’ up in August!
54. Been in a movie
55. Gone without food for 5 days - I sometimes intentionally fast for 3-7 days for personal spiritual reasons.
56. Made cookies from scratch - The only kind there is!
57. Won first prize in a costume contest - Ken and I once went as a pair of crash test dummies to a costume party. We almost caused a wreck on the way there and had to stop and take off our costumes.
58. Ridden a gondola in Venice
59. Gotten a tattoo
60. Been on television - Several times… local news type things.
61. Gotten flowers for no reason - Except because my husband is wonderful : )
62. Performed on stage - I used to be quite involved with an orchestra and played the violin. I also played the cello for a couple years when the orchestra was low on cellists - it’s a fairly easy switch. Easier than switching from the violin to the viola, I think. Viola scores are in C cleff, which takes some getting used to and it’s to easy to forget you’re playing a viola and not a violin unless you’ve been playing the viola for a while.
63. Been to Las Vegas
64. Eaten shark - A college buddy made me try it once. I was not impressed.
65. Kissed on the first date
66. Gone to Thailand
67. Bought a house
68. Been in a combat zone - My living room qualifies.
69. Been on a cruise ship - Ken and I took a Texaribbean Cruise in 2001 - it was wonderful!
70. Spoken more than one language fluently - I took one year of German in high school… but I’m going on three years of Dora the Explorer Spanish 101…
71. Raised children - In progress - I survive under the borrowed motto of a friend… “Just let them live…”
72. Passed out cold - No! Not from anything you’re thinking of! Remember who this is… it was infinitely more stupid. I was chaperoning a 6th grade girls’ slumber party and was mistaken for a pinata. Yeah… laugh it up. Ha, ha. Hilarious.
73. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
74. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
75. Been to the Top of The Empire State Building - We also watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in the pouring rain with two kids under age five while in New York for one of Jacqui’s surgery. We decided it’s a lot more fun to watch it on TV.
76. Piloted an airplane - For a few heart-stopping moments. A pilot friend in college gave me a turn at the wheel.
77. Touched a stingray - Odd little things! We played with them for a while at Sea World once. Kind of reminded me of aquatic puppies - all clamoring for a back scratch!
78. Helped an animal give birth - Like I said, there were baby everythings at my parent’s farm while growing up.
79. Broken a bone - Um yeah. Twice. Both times were dumb. #1… I was 5 years old sitting bareback on a horse with my sister. We both saw a large worm on the ground and began arguing over who saw it first so we could sell it to our great-grandfather for a nickel when he came to go fishing in our backyard (our house was along a river). We then pushed each other off the horse and my sister landed on my arm. This is why my Mom and Dad find Jacqui’s antics so entertaining. #2 - I was much older and not much wiser than I had been at age 5 and was using a chair for a step ladder. I flipped it under my feet and managed to break both elbows. I’ve said this in a previous post, but NOTHING proclaims your intelligence to the world quite as effectively as a pair of matching arm slings. Fun times.
80. Gone on an African photo safari
81. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears - Not even the ears. My Dad used to tell me when I would beg to get my ears pierced that I didn’t need any more holes in my head…
82. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol - Once - just to say I did it.
83. Ridden a horse - In spite of the previous story, I was actually quite good at horseback riding. I even took some dressage lessons, but haven’t been on a horse now in over 5 years.
84. Had major surgery - Knee surgery for a skiing accident in high school, and two C-Sections.
85. Had a snake as a pet - Just garter snakes as a kid. Mom loved it.
86. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon -Definitely on my ‘to do list!’
87. Slept 30 hours in a 48 hour time frame - Once while working at a cannery while putting myself through college. I worked three consecutive shifts and then slept 48 hours straight. I would have slept longer except my parents decided to check for a pulse…
88. Visited all 7 continents
89. Eaten kangaroo meat - I ate alligator and rattlesnake once… does that count?
90. Eaten sushi - Never again! Es cargo and caviar are on that list too.
91. Had your picture in the newspaper
92. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
93. Para-Sailed
94. Touched a cockroach - While vacationing in Mexico. They actually had leashes on the little vermin and were selling them as pets…
95. Read “The Iliad”
96. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read - For some reason, none of my teachers or professors saw fit to introduce me to Miss Austen… So I just introduced myself. I then proceeded to read everything she has ever written and have been working my way through every book she has ever praised or referenced. Many of them are rather hard to come by, but she has exquisite taste and hasn’t let me down yet!
97. Been elected to public office - I was sophomore class president in high school - ha, ha!
98. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you - I sold a few paintings and drawings while in college. I need to start drawing again - I miss it. Pen and ink is my favorite medium and I love stipple drawings, but there just isn’t time for that sort of precision around here these days!
99. Dyed your hair - Yes. My kids seem to be determined to turn me gray.
100. Saved someone’s life - More often than I would like. From the moment we found out about Jacqui’s lymphatic malformation on a 20 week ultrasound, we set off on a seemingly unending journey to save her life.

• The first time was with a local perinatologist who was wanting to play backwater hero (well… sort of… after he gave up trying to brow-beat us into an abortion). He told us he knew exactly what he was doing and had ‘lots’ of experience (which he would not define or quantify). We became frustrated that he wasn’t diagnosing her correctly, monitoring her correctly, or planning for her delivery correctly. I realized what was going on and we started traveling 3 hours to another perinatologist who took steps towards a correct diagnosis with appropriate monitoring and put into place a birth plan that would enable Jacqui to survive the delivery. I firmly believe Jacqui would not have survived had we not switched perinatologists.

• When Jacqui first came home from the hospital, I then went against the ENT’s instructions and demanded an apnea monitor from our pediatrician which the ENT had denied. Two weeks later, it saved her life by alerting us early to rapid swelling of her lymphatic malformation that collapsed her airway. It happened in the middle of the night and she would have died without the monitor.

• I once had to resuscitate Jacqui at home by myself when she had a trach.

• I later put my foot down on an elective procedure that an ENT was insisting on that likely would have killed her.

• When she was three, I insisted on a second opinion for her highly complex lymphatic malformation resection surgery . Another decision which may well have been life-saving as well.

• I have also resuscitated a co-worker who had had a seizure and had aspirated.

• I once provided emergency assistance at the scene of a car wreck until the EMT’s arrived.

• And, for years I worked as a hospital pharmacist, responding to codes in a small, level III trauma unit where I did everything from preparing emergency medications to, being an extra set of hands applying direct pressure to wounds.

I also routinely pry choking hazards (that materialize out of thin air) from tiny sticky fingers and confiscate sharp pointy objects that our children manage to locate and latch onto with the speed and efficiency of heat seeking missiles. Save lives? That’s my day job! : ) All part of a day’s work as a SAHM!
Well, there you have it! My 100th post! Serious congratulations are in order if you survived through the whole list - I promise to make up for this nonsense with some entertaining documentation of munchkin antics very soon!

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